Putting the Crone Back in Cronyism

One must resist the ad hominem attack when criticizing the Minneapolis Star-Tribune's token conservative columnist Katherine Kersten. Both The Rake and City Pages have taken the leathery bait, but I resist. I will call her neither harpy nor hag. I would never suggest that her hair looks like a 3M byproduct nor that she appears to survive on a diet of tacks (it's hard to tell now anyway, as the Strib keeps updating her picture and making it smaller). I will not summon images of the undead and bloodletting and midnight trysts with the Beast. I will not do these things because that would give her too much satisfaction. But I will state that her dogmatic, humorless exercises are consistently diametrically opposed to my reality.

Today's column takes the cake, and I hope for her sake it has a tasty file in it. She dismisses the recent student anti-war protest, trotting out the numbnuts conservative lie that resistance to the war in this country is being orchestrated by Stalin from beyond the grave, then suggesting that these kids are only seeking a little spotlight. You know: commie tools with MTV savvy. So I tapped her a little message:

Dear Mrs. Kersten:

What a dreadful fallacy you propose in today's column. Equating legitimate protest of this country's abysmal foreign policy with communism is about as relevant as tailfins and "Leave it to Beaver" reruns.

Your column is so transparently informed by stale conservative talking points that I am amazed the Strib continues to allow you to haunt its mediocre pages with your crypto-plagiarism. Here's a column suggestion: Eric Rudolph, abortion opponent and terrorist, is hailed by white racists and neo-nazis as a hero; ergo, teenage pro-life advocates should read Mein Kampf before going back to mass and contemplate how their message would have played outside Dachau in 1939. Does that make sense? I didn't think so.

I suppose you'll get your comeuppance for your evil machinations at St. Peter's gate, malfeasor. I am a patriot and defender of free speech, but I am offended that your writings appear anywhere more prominent than a basement bathroom wall.

I'll grant her the last word, given her valiant response: "Clearly, we disagree. But thanks for taking the time to write."